Hello Mates - - Sir Marley Beaks the third here 
- - - but you can call me Marley. Thought you 
would like a little trip report on my recent 
trip to Hedonism II - - - it was a goodie as 
always!!! First for you that don’t know me - - 
- - a little background. I am just your normal 
bloke - - flying through days at work - - - 
waiting and planning my next getaway to fly 
south to the Caribbean - - - - Jamaica’s Hedonism 
II being one of my favorite spots. Nothing like 
walking in to the open air lobby at Hedo - - - 
having one of the lovely ladies behind the desk 
give you a big smile and say “welcome home.” 
They make you feel like a special parrot every 
time you visit.
Parrot? Oh - - I forgot a few of you don’t 
know me! Yes, yes - - - I am a parrot. Being 
a bit larger than most of the parrots you know - 
- - I decided to take a little different path in 
life than most of my fellow feather friends. 
Seeing that most of my contemporaries fortunes 
consisted mostly of “crackers” - - - I at a 
young age learned English, got a formal 
education - - - - and then made my fortune in 
world distribution of bird food and goodies over 
the internet. Now I enjoy the finer luxuries in 
life - - - one being vacationing at all-inclusive 
resorts through out the Caribbean. One of my 
favorites being the one and only - - Hedonism II. 
Being a parrot of quality - - - it did not take 
me long to learn that if you are going to book a 
getaway to Hedo - - - the only way to go is 
through Caribbean Hideaways. A.J. and his staff 
has been sending clients to Hedo for over 20 years 
now. To say that they will take care of you is 
understatement - - - but more on that later.

I was on my third drink before the wheels of the 
plane left the ground. Flew American out of Miami 
so I could arrive early. The Mo Bay airport has 
grown and I was happy to find that we no longer 
unloaded on the tarmac. Nothing worst than 
walking through an airport with wet feathers. 
Customs was a breeze - - - oh sure they usually 
take a double look at the ole passport - - 
- guess they don’t see many four foot parrots 
these days. But with the girls in the corner 
singing “come back to Jamaica”, the Red Stripe 
signs on the walls, and knowing that right 
through those doors - - - the staff from 
Superclubs is waiting to greet me - - - 
- everyting was Irie.

So many nice people welcome me as I head 
towards the new Superclubs check in office. 
“Hello Mon - - - - first time to Jamaica? - - 
- - how long you staying? - - - - do you party?” 
What a great bunch - - - - 
Check in was fast and easy - - - and I quickly 
found myself with a cold Red Stripe in hand - 
- and riding in one of SuperClubs air-conditioned 
buses - - heading for HedoII. The road to Negril 
is now so nice and modern that the trip is 
actually enjoyable. Reggae music playing - - 
- beautiful countryside scenery - - - and even a 
quick stop at “Ocean View” bar to grab another 
Red Stripe - - - - the ride was great. Being a 
classy bird - - - I usually fly Tim Air to the 
resort to cut off a little traveling time - - 
- but I was already on island time and was 
in no hurry.

As you guys know - - check in at Hedo is so fast 
and easy. There I was - - favorite flip flops up 
on the table - - sipping my welcome Champaign, 
enjoying my first Cubano cigar - - and pretty 
girls everywhere giving me the once over. I am 
a pretty damn good looking parrot even if I say 
so myself!!!!! Chicks dig me!!!!! 
Only moments later I was told my room was ready - 
- - nude side of course!!!! The remodel really 
works - - - The multi head shower - - - the 27 
inch color tv - - - new colors - - - - mirrors - 
- - my pad was great!!!!! I would unpack later - 
- - time for a drink!!!!!
Being September the resort was a little quieter 
than usual - - - - but no worries - - - it made 
it easier to make it to the bar and no matter 
what time of year it is - - Hedo had the action 
all planned out. Miss nude Hedonism contest was 
in a night or two - - - - - I was wondering if 
they would use me as a guest judge!?!
First thing to hit me was that the resort was 
more beautiful that I could ever remember. After 
last years hurricane I would have thought Hedo 
might be a little rough around the edges - - 
- but nothing could be further from the truth. 
This place is a tropical paradise - - 
- sparkling clean and every inch manicured. The 
staff is always great - - - but I can’t tell 
you how nice and attentive everyone was. Grabbed 
a “dirty banana” and a meat patty down at the 
main pool bar and walked out to the beach. Man 
I love this place - - - no e-mails, no cell 
phones, no “you’re a parrot” looks - - - - this 
is Jamaica - - - there is no place in the 
world like here.
Was going to head over to the nude Jacuzzi right 
away - - - but the hammock looked so inviting - 
- - so I grabbed another banana and ended up 
enjoying a couple z’s under the shade of a 
coconut tree - - - - - warm Caribbean breeze, 
the sound of the water calmly hitting the shore, 
flip flop hanging from one toe, drink resting on 
my belly, shades on - - - - and bikini’s 
everywhere!!!!! Tell me this is not paradise!!!!
After my power nap I flew over to the nude side 
to say hi to the gang. The party was going - 
- - music playing, smiling faces and the 
tropical fruity drinks were flowing. Had a few 
drinks and caught up with old friends - - - 
- had a few more drinks and met new friends. 
Takes people a minute or two to get over my 
bright colored feathers - - - but hey this is 
Hedo and all types from around the world fly 
in here to party and holiday - - - - so it’s 
not long before we are all doing belly shots 
together. To think this time yesterday I was 
sitting high in my northern office, over 
looking the big city, looking very professional 
in Armani, meeting with business elite from 
all over the world, working on another “big” 
deal - - looking at my Rolex every 30 seconds 
wondering if this day would ever end - - 
- and now here I am at the nude pool bar at 
Hedo, looking out at the swaying palm trees, 
nothing on but my flip flops and my go 
classy hat - - - and my watch packed away in 
my room. I am on Hedo time baby!!!!!!!!
I was getting a little hungry - - - so I 
grabbed one more drink (sex on the beach) for 
my walk back to the room - - - stopped by the 
craft market and grabbed a couple reggae cd’s 
from Kevin for my in room cd player - - - and 
grabbed a quick shower. These new showers 
are great - - - - lots of hot water!!!!!!!!!!
I was set up at the Pastafari Italian restaurant 
at 8:00 - - - had a fantastic shrimp pasta with 
good friends. As we dined on perfection and the 
wine flowed - - - we all laughed the hours away. 
The waitress was the best - - - and cute too!!!!!! 
I think she dug me - - - - 
This parrot was in his best party mode when we
hit the main bar!!!!! The band was playing and 
I hit the dance floor to do my famous “Parrot 
Slide” with guests and staff. While my slide was 
a big hit - - - it was nothing compared to the 
moves the Hedo Staff were doing. If I tried that 
I would dislocate a wing or two!!!!!!! So I sat 
back and watched those girls do their thing - 
- - fantastic!!!!!! Stayed around about an hour 
for the show which was a Hedo riot - - - and 
headed over to the disco!!!!
The bash was going in high gear - - - the dance 
floor was packed - - - and the bar was jumpin. 
The pounding reggae beat got to me before long 
and I found myself out dancing with two gals - 
- - - - - a “Tingka” in hand and my shades on - 
- - Don Johnson had nothing on this parrot!!!!! 
We all had a blast and danced until we could 
dance no more. One of the girls showed me a new 
move that best can be described as rolling 
around on the ground with arms and legs flailing 
away in the air!!!!! (think she dug me!!!) After 
10 minutes of this I realized I was just lying 
in the middle of the dance floor with a big 
smile on my face, while others danced around 
me - - - - so it was time to call it a night. 
I figured I would be back on toga night anyway - 
- - you haven’t lived until you see a giant 
parrot in a toga!!!!!! Anyway - - so a few of 
us headed to the main bar - - - - where we 
grabbed a quick snack and a little coconut rum. 
I mean it had been a couple of hours since I 
had last eaten!!!!!!! Funny thing at Hedo - - 
- - you eat and drink and eat and drink - - - 
- - and yet you are always ready to eat and 
drink again!!!! I guess they just make all of 
their goodies so irresistible that you can’t 
help yourself!!!!!
After a few more laughs I headed for my room 
at around 3:00 a.m. - - - passing a game of 
strip basketball that was going on. Could not 
help my self - - - had to take a couple of 
shots. My reverse wing over my back, flying 
through the air mega dunk brought down the 
house. Dawn was coming soon - - - and I only 
had one more day - - - - so I headed back 
to my nest. Alone you ask?
Hey - - - a gentlemen parrot does not kiss 
and tell - - - - besides this is a trip report - 
- not my autobiography!!!!! (however I am sure 
you will find it in gift shops 
everywhere one day!!!)

Morning came bright and early for me - - 
- about 11:00 a.m.!!!!! Man I slept fantastic. 
The Hedo beds are just fantastic - - - and 
the A.C. was roaring!!!!! The tv was on when 
I awoke - - - - not sure who left it on the 
playboy channel!?! O-well - - - - time for 
a little Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee - - 
- a little breakfast - - - and a desert of 
a Bloody Mary!!!!! They make them spicy 
here at Hedo - - - perfect!!!!! What a spread - 
- - anything and everything a parrot could 
possibly want for breakfast. After stuffing 
my beak - - I decided to stop by the gift 
shop to grab a few t-shirts to take home. 
What a great shop - - - the staff is 
fantastic, the selection of goodies are 
fantastic - - - and the prices are great. 
(Not that that matters as you know I am a 
parrot of means - - ) Grabbed a little suntan 
lotion as I do not lay out Au Natural too 
often at home and did not want to get 
sunburned. YES - - - - parrots sunburn!!!!!

So what to do - - - what to do - - 
I thought a little back flip on the trapeze at 
the circus school - - - or perhaps I might 
join in on the body painting that was going 
on. A friend asked me to shoot a game of pool 
on the in pool, pool table. Say that fast 
five times!!!!!! I thought perhaps I could go 
use the full, ultra modern, Hedo II gym - - 
- - but after last time I thought better!!! 
Ok - - - - - - I will tell you. 
Last time here I decided I was not going home 
with an extra ten pounds from all the eating 
and drinking I do here on vacation. So I 
headed to the gym - - - - every conceivable 
piece of equipment that a bird would ever need. 
I looked everything over and I decided on the 
jogging machine - - - 
To motivate myself - - - I had one of the Hedo 
girls hold a frosty glass of coconut rum and 
pineapple right in front of the jogging machine. 
Turned on the machine and began to jog - - 
- which went well for the first 45 seconds!!!!! 
The next 45 I was so glad I had that “goal” 
of coconut rum just in front of me - - - - 
- she held it just out of reach!!!!!! But it 
did keep me going - - - - Ever seen a fat, 
giant parrot, running on a jogging machine - 
- - with his wings reaching as forward as 
he can - - - with a pineapple drink just 
right out of reach!?! Not pretty baby - - 

Anyway by the end of the second minute - - - I 
noticed I had fallen back towards the end of 
the machine and was losing ground on my drink!!!!! 
Ok - - - I admit it - - - I panicked!!!! I gave 
one last blast of speed - - - and then dived for 
the drink!!!!!! 
Came up just this short!!!!!! Boom - - - beak hit 
the treadmill floor and I was shot like a cannon 
across the room - - - - - crashing into the cute 
girl who was on the stationary bike!!!!!!! So 
there I was beak bent - - - feathers tangled in 
her chain - - - and hanging over the handle 
bars staring right in the face of this lovely 
stranger. In a bit of pain - - - - I looked up 
at her and asked “going my way baby?” What a 
save - - - - think she dug me!!!!

Ended up playing a few drinking games with the 
gang and did a little snorkeling in the beautiful, 
warm water of the Caribbean!!!! A few of the gang 
was heading over to Ricks - - - the famous cliff -
side bar - - - but I decided to stay around. 
Although that place can be a blast - - - - I love 
showing off to the “tourista” chicks with my dives 
from the cliffs!!!!!! I usually am the only one 
who can do a double flip from the top - - - and 
not even get wet!!!!! I “swoop” out at the end - - 
- - another advantage to being a parrot!!!!! 
There are just so many fun spots like Ricks all 
over Jamaica - - - - but I always find it hard 
to leave Hedo. So much going on right here!!!!!

This was such a short trip for me - - - only two 
days - - - but I could not go home without 
stopping in the piano bar!!! Everyone was drinking, 
singing, and having the best of time. That cute 
little blond should not have turned down the Mic. 
when it was her turn to sing - - - - the quickest 
way to end up “dancing” on the piano!!!! Think 
she dug me - - - - 
I did a little Buffet for everyone when it was my 
turn - - - what else would you think I would sing - 
- - I mean talk about who is a Parrot head!?! 

As the night went on I really began thinking about 
extending my stay - - - - which is a common last 
night experience every time I come to Hedo II. 
However I hate to leave my brother in charge back 
home for too long - - - - 
“Black Beak” is not the most trustworthy bird in 
the nest if you know what I mean - - - - he is 
not much in the work department. Last time I was 
down here in Jamaica - - - I left him in charge 
of a big “reading glasses” deal with a large 
German Owl company. Told him to stay with the 
owls - - - - keep them happy. 
Found him at “Hooters” - - - keeping the waitresses 
happy!!!!!! (Owls - - - hooteres - - - got me on a 
technicality) So the extended stay - - - - - had to 
stay just a nice thought. With a early flight in 
the morning I decided it best not to hit the hay 
tonight - - - - and just spent the night partying 
like Cesar did at the one and only Hedonism II 
toga party. No one enters without a toga - - - 
Let me tell you - - - - you have never seen a toga 
until you have seen some of the gals at Hedo with 
their own unique versions of the toga!!!!!!!! No 
wonder Rome fell!!!!!!!! 

You know - - you can’t describe the toga 
party - - - - it has to be experienced. I
mean for example - - I know this is wierd - 
- but I actually met and partied with 
Cleopatra all night!!! Cleopatra!!!! - - but
that is another story!!!!!!So take my word
for it - - the only thing I can tell 
you is - - - that the next time you are 
down here at Hedonism II - - - - - - do not,
I repeat, - - do not miss the toga party!!
Toga - - toga - - -toga!!!!!!

Soon the sun was coming up and I
was sipping on my last "Dirty
Banana" - - - their not just for
breakfast any more!!!!!! Raced
backed to the room - - - threw my
things into my bag - - - and 
"tearfully" headed for the bus
ride back to the airport.

That’s it gang - - - a short little trip report 
from your favorite parrot - - - “Sir Marley Beaks 
the Third”. If you are ever down at Hedo II and 
you see a really good looking “G-Q” type parrot at 
the bar - - - come on over and let me buy you a 
drink. Can’t miss me - - - I will be the only 
giant parrot at the bar wearing 
the “Go Classy” hat!!!!! Until next time - - - Irie.